Instead, leading resilience researchers describe resilience not as a checklist of traits, but as a dynamic, context-dependent process—something we build, experience, and express in different ways throughout our lives.

Drawing from the work of George Bonanno, Emmy Werner, and Ann Masten, we explore a more nuanced, science-based understanding of what resilience really is—and how we can foster it.

Resilience Is Not One-Size-Fits-All

Resilience doesn’t follow a fixed formula. George Bonanno, a leading trauma researcher, shows that people recover from adversity in highly diverse ways—and that psychological flexibility is often more important than any particular mindset or behavior. There’s no “correct” way to cope with difficulty. What matters is how adaptable we are—how we try different strategies, and how we allow ourselves to feel discomfort rather than suppress it.

This challenges the common myth that resilient people are always strong or emotionally stable. In truth, being resilient includes moments of vulnerability, confusion, and even distress. It’s not about avoiding struggle—it’s about navigating it with openness and self-compassion.

Resilience Grows Through Relationships and Resources

Research on children facing poverty or family dysfunction—particularly the longitudinal studies of Emmy Werner—has shown that supportive relationships are among the most powerful predictors of resilience. Children who grew up in adverse conditions but had strong bonds with mentors, teachers, or extended family members were significantly more likely to thrive.

This insight extends far beyond childhood. As adults, we benefit just as deeply from having people who believe in us, offer guidance, or simply stay present when life gets hard. Just as importantly, cultivating internal protective factors—like emotional regulation, self-worth, or a sense of control—can act as buffers in the face of stress.

Resilience Is Built in Everyday Life

Ann Masten calls resilience “ordinary magic.” It isn’t something reserved for heroes or people with extraordinary traits. Instead, it grows from daily experiences: mastering a skill, connecting with others, engaging in meaningful routines, or making sense of setbacks.

Her research reminds us that we can actively build resilience by investing in small, consistent actions. Whether that’s showing up for a friend, pursuing a hobby, learning something new, or processing a difficult event through journaling or reflection—resilience is made, not born.

Key Takeaways for Our Work and Life

The science of resilience invites us to think beyond static models and recognize the complex, human, and relational nature of how we bounce back—or move forward.

Here are three principles grounded in research:

• Flexibility is strength: Try different coping strategies. Don’t expect linear progress or permanent calm.
• Connection is essential: Relationships—whether with colleagues, friends, mentors, or communities—are among the most powerful resilience factors.
• Meaning matters: Finding a sense of purpose, even (or especially) in adversity, helps us integrate experiences into our lives in healthy, empowering ways.

Closing Thought

Instead of memorizing “pillars,” we might do better to ask ourselves:

• Where in my life am I already resilient—perhaps in ways I haven’t named?
• What relationships, routines, or internal resources help me grow through challenge?
• How can I support others in building theirs?

Resilience isn’t a destination—it’s a process. And with awareness, connection, and kindness toward ourselves and others, it’s a process we can all engage in.